2,000 Ladies Vote: What Makes The Perfect Man?

MSN is just apparently on a roll these days. 7 things guys look for in a girl last week, what makes the perfect man this week. Looks like T12 might have to bear arms soon. Someone’s encroaching on our territory. Listen, MSN, you stick to annoying homepages on Internet Explorer and we’ll keep rappin’ about what ladies and gents like. Sound ok? Now let’s talk about this list.


So the story goes that researchers just polled 2,000 women to find the most desirable assets in a man. Now, in response to the article from last week about 7 things men look for in a women we here have been compiling a list of what ladies look for in men, so look for that maybe tomorrow, but for now let’s comment on this list:

From MSN (link), here’s what the perfect man equals:

  • 6 feet tall – 5’9″ is close enough, right?
  • Toned and athletic – Good thing Adonis was sculpted after me.
  • Brown eyes – No way. Something old something new something borrowed something blue.
  • Short dark hair – Sure, whatever.
  • Smart dress sense – You mean Affliction shirts and cargo pants aren’t smart dress?
  • Beer drinker – If you refuse a beer as a man you probably wear Affliction anyway.
  • Non-smoker – Seems I’m in luck.
  • Wears smart jeans, shirt and a V-neck jumper – What about denim jackets? That’s an essential wardrobe item.
  • Gets ready in 17 minutes – 17 minutes? What an arbitrary number. Give me 3.
  • Stylish – We get it ladies, we should know how to dress, geez.
  • Wants a family – A family? Or to procreate? Asking for a friend. I swear.
  • Earns £48,000 ($77,000) a year – Ha! I’m a writer baby, I hope you like pop tarts!
  • Loves shopping – All day. I’m like a dog going to the dog park in a mall.
  • Eats meat – Veggies don’t build guns like these. Seriously. Get those vegetables out of here.
  • Clean shaven – Nope. Just nope.
  • Smooth chest – Thanks, genetics!
  • Watches soaps – Community is a soap, right?
  • Enjoys watching football – Heck yes! Football! Man stuff! No other sport exists!
  • Drives an Audi – Woah there, kinda pigeon holing me, babe. The A5, mayybee, but I’m not in high school, c’mon.
  • Educated to degree level – can anyone tell me what degree level means?
  • Earns more than his other half – Like I said, writer, I bet the thrift store has some awesome hats.
  • Jokes around and has a laugh – Luckily I l-o-l on a daily basis.
  • Sensitive when his wife/girlfriend is upset  – Sensitive?
  • Says ‘I love you’ only when he means it – Well ya got that right.
  • Admits it when he looks at other women – every 30ish seconds.
  • Has a driver’s license – hahahahahahaha
  • Can swim – I guess being a “Shark” in my YMCA class has it’s advantages.
  • Can ride a bike – Wait, are we trying to date a kindergartner?
  • Can change a tire – I really think these ladies want to date babies.
  • Calls mom regularly – Uh, point proven. (Seriously though, I’ll call Mom like it’s my job. What up moms!).

Hang on here, clean chested? Clean shaven? Can Swim? Has a driver’s license? Can ride a bike? What about can breath? Can brush his teeth? Can make rational decisions? Can comb hair with all ability and swiftness of a human being? By this list women basically don’t want to date liquor drinkers who wear cargo pants. And, I mean, can we blame them for that?